Civilised restaurant removes bidets from its bathrooms

Western Fahloul Grill restaurant has resolved to compete with the most sophisticated five-star restaurants in the world targeting elite customers by providing the finest services and following international deluxe restaurant standards, starting with re-structuring the bathrooms and getting rid of all bidets.

Monsieur Khalil Fahloul, the CEO and rightful heir to the restaurant following the death of its founder Haj Khaldoun Fahloul, said his initiative not only aims to attract new customers, but “to improve the old customers’ sense of taste, by raising them from their barbarism, tents, and bidets to the enlightened practices of Western civilisation.” 

“We will make them understand that we are overpriced for a reason, because we are offering a live experience that emulates a Westerner’s life,” he added.

Fahloul said the measure would relieve customers of  the burden of the ancient hosepipe, which often soaks their underwear and the marble floor of the bathroom as they attempt to adjust its water pressure, while allowing them to indulge in the luxury of wiping their backsides with delicate tissues. 

Khalil said that removing bidets is one step among many modern adjustments the restaurant wants to impose. 

“Soon, the idea of water will be entirely eliminated,” he said. “The sinks and soap will be replaced with scented towels, water bottles on tables will be minimised to spread awareness among customers about environmental issues and the water crisis by pushing them to reduce their use.”